he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
