...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
