I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
