so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
