is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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