We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Even my vagina gasped.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
