I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
