Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We left an ass print on the piano.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
