I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
