Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
