she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
