See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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