Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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