Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
