Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
