He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
