are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
