Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
