she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
