You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just want nice things and good sex
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
