i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
