we're blogging at a bar
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
