Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
