So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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