you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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