I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
