Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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