i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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