please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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