I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
