I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
