Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
