My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
