Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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