last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
