peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
