Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish you could order shots online.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
