Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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