Can Purell be used as lube?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i drank out of a bidet.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Randomize
