I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
