we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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