it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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