Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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