is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
