Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
