I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
