just come out here and I will go home with you...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
