Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
