It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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