me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
